Festive Traditions - Part 1, The Past

Christmas is the time of year that I most strongly feel my mum's absence. She passed away two years ago, at the beginning of December. She loved Christmas and in her later years loved nothing more than sitting watching Hallmark films all afternoon.

The Tree

One of my fondest memories of her was decorating the Christmas tree. Though I lived with my two younger siblings and dad, decorating the Christmas tree was our domain. Everything had a specific place, it was an important job after all. Most of all, I enjoyed that it was our thing - I'm one of six, it's very rare that something feels like it's just mine. When I moved to Sheffield, I took many things with me, including some of the icicle ornaments which had hung on my family's Christmas tree every year since I was born. These hang on my Christmas tree right now, mixed in with the new ornaments I have bought each year.

Presents

Every year, I would receive a book for Christmas and this means there is a distinct set of photos of me, at various stages in my childhood, sat reading while my siblings played. This was probably the highlight of Christmas day for me and I still have many of those books now.

Food

Many of my Christmas memories are associated with food - actually, many of my childhood memories are. I remember making peppermint creams at primary school and taking them home - I'm planning to make some this year as part of some Christmas presents. I was an adult before I realised profiteroles were not a festive dessert - they were in my house.

My mum was a professional cake decorator, so Christmas was really her time to shine. Every year, she would make Christmas cakes with proper royal icing and give these away to people as gifts. All of my teachers at primary school got cake as a Christmas present. The smell of fruit being soaked in port permeated through the house, distinctively Christmassy.

As I got older, I got more and more involved in the processes behind the food on the table. My teenage self was heavily involved in the Christmas caking and every year, I would make a yule log. I followed Mary Berry's recipe which can be found through the following link https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/yule_log_15656

Other Traditions

Most years, I would go to the Christmas Market in Birmingham. I loved the way the market used to feel, bustling with activity and always loud. I last went to the market in 2021, on the way back to Sheffield having visited my grieving family.

I found out my mum was in hospital the day she died. I didn't know she was ill. I was out skating with friends, one of the many things I liked to do that time of year. I have not been skating since. The times I have been to the ice rink, I found it's association with my mum's death too distressing.

There is a sharp contrast between the Christmases of my childhood and of my adulthood. I have stayed in Sheffield every year since my mum died and I have not had a roast dinner for Christmas day. I've not made Christmas cake, nor a yule log.

All of a sudden, Christmas got really hard. All of these traditions I had taken for granted were eclipsed by this overwhelming feeling of loss. My Christmases now, though they are different, are happy in different ways.

There will be a second post about what Christmas traditions I embrace now, in binary with the Christmas traditions I have lost.